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Former Russian President Dmitry Medvedev wrote some Twitter fan fiction over the weekend through which he hallucinated the autumn of the West and the rise of the Fourth Reich. Elon Musk thought the thread was “epic.” However first, listed here are three new tales from The Atlantic.
Dima Trolls; Elon Rolls
I don’t miss the Chilly Battle. America’ nice battle with Soviet communism dominated the primary 30 years of my life and decided the trail of my early profession, and I’m glad it’s over. And but, right here I’m, in a wierd reverie in regards to the Chilly Battle on the finish of 2022, greater than 30 years after the reducing of the Soviet flag. Why? Nicely, permit me to introduce you to Dmitry Medvedev, the deputy chairman of the Russian Federation’s Safety Council, and his new dialog accomplice, the Twitter CEO Elon Musk. The debates of yesterday, the banter between Richard Nixon and Nikita Khrushchev, and the frosty competitors between Ronald Reagan and Yuri Andropov have been changed by the equal of Invoice S. Preston, Esquire and Theodore “Ted” Logan shouting “Wonderful!” and high-fiving one another over freaky Russian fan fiction.
In case you missed it this weekend, Medvedev—a crony of Russian President Vladimir Putin who was additionally as soon as the precise president of Russia—went on a protracted Twitter rant along with his predictions for 2023. I have no idea if Little Dima (as he’s generally referred to as in Moscow) is a ingesting man, however I can solely hope that he was utterly swacked when he went on this tirade. In any case, let’s check out what a man who was as soon as the supreme commander of all Russian forces thinks will occur subsequent yr.
Medvedev is a lawyer by coaching, however he had some deep ideas on economics. He predicts that oil will rise to $150 a barrel—which is after all Moscow’s dearest want now that the Russian financial system is seemingly based mostly on nothing however petroleum, exit visas, and coffins. For some cause, he thinks the UK will rejoin the European Union, which in flip will destroy the EU and finish the euro as a foreign money. (He additionally thinks that the “largest inventory markets and monetary exercise will go away the US and Europe and transfer to Asia,” and that the euro and the greenback will likely be changed by—no, actually—“digital fiat currencies.”)
In relation to struggle and politics, Medvedev’s visions get even weirder.
“Poland and Hungary,” he writes, “will occupy western areas of the previously current Ukraine.” (I suppose this comes after Russia magically defeats and partitions Ukraine.) After this, a “Fourth Reich” will likely be created “encompassing the territory of Germany and its satellites, i.e., Poland, the Baltic states, Czechia, Slovakia, the Kiev Republic, and different outcasts.”
I’m sensing a bit of cultural resentment right here. However let’s press on.
“Battle,” Dima continues, “will escape between France and the Fourth Reich. Europe will likely be divided, Poland repartitioned within the course of.”
For those who’re retaining rating on this trippy recreation of Threat: Russia defeats Ukraine, Poland and Hungary seize the western areas of Ukraine, Germany then subdues Poland and the whole lot else in East Central Europe and declares itself a brand new Reich. France then defeats this Fourth Reich and proceeds to partition the identical Poland that’s now a part of a joint Polish-Hungarian occupation of Ukraine. Or possibly somebody spilled a bottle of Stoli all around the board, and that is how we’re placing all of it again collectively now that the items are soaked and the map is blurry.
However he’s not accomplished. “Northern Eire,” he predicts, “will separate from the UK and be a part of the Republic of Eire.” Hmm. The U.Ok., in Medvedev’s world, would have simply voted to rejoin the EU, which is about to disintegrate, however in any case, how would Northern Eire …
Look, cease asking questions. Medvedev was as soon as a reasonable and comparatively pro-Western Russian president, however he’s modified his thoughts. As William Harm’s character says in The Huge Chill, “Typically you simply should let artwork move over you.”
The true enjoyable begins when Little Dima foresees the top of the USA: “Civil struggle will escape within the US, [with] California and Texas changing into unbiased states in consequence. Texas and Mexico will kind an allied state.” Medvedev may not be the keenest observer of American politics: Texas Governor Greg Abbott doesn’t appear to have any apparent want to transfer the Texas border south in order that extra folks from Mexico and even perhaps Central America might transfer freely by way of Texas as residents and allies.
Little Dima’s last flourish was a careless, racist pirouette: “Season greetings to you all, Anglo-Saxon mates, and their fortunately oinking piglets!” Russian chauvinists going again centuries have all the time been a tad salty about “Anglo-Saxons” and their supposed sense of superiority over the Slavic peoples. The reference to piglets is a throwback to old-school propaganda about worldwide capitalists (whose ethnicity Dima leaves unstated however which, in Russian and Soviet utilization, is commonly an anti-Semitic reference).
No Twitter thread this nutty could be full with out trolling the gargantuan ego of the self-described Chief Twit, Elon Musk. In keeping with Medvedev, Musk will “win the presidential election in various states which, after the brand new Civil Battle’s finish, can have been given to the GOP,” no matter meaning.
Musk’s response? “Epic thread!!” He even made positive so as to add that additional exclamation level. You may nearly see him nodding and hitting the ability chords on an air guitar when he says it, in all probability in an try and be sarcastic and generate consideration on the identical time. A number of hours later—maybe after the intervention of an grownup—Musk clarified his place and wrote, “These are undoubtedly probably the most absurd predictions I’ve ever heard, whereas additionally exhibiting astonishing lack of expertise of the progress of synthetic intelligence and sustainable power.”
Nice. That must do it. Thanks very a lot, Elon.
That is the place the nostalgia creeps in. I don’t care that Dmitry Medvedev appears like a man in a musty Soviet beer joint railing about the USA. I care {that a} senior Kremlin official—a person who was as soon as on the prime of the Russian nuclear chain of command—is tweeting out vile nonsense and persons are merely shrugging, prefer it’s simply one other day in our bizarre century. I care that one of many richest males on the planet, an industrialist who controls a big swath of the general public sq., responded to those unhinged tweets like a goofy teenager.
I stay up for the brand new yr. I’m glad that the harmful twentieth century is lengthy over, and I’m satisfied we stay in higher instances at this time. However I admit that I discover myself ruefully nostalgic for a world that was dominated by critical adults who believed in critical issues.
Associated:
Right this moment’s Information
- At the very least 30 folks have died in western New York from the extreme winter storm.
- China has introduced plans to loosen up its COVID-19 restrictions for entry into the nation. Starting January 8, folks with a detrimental nucleic-acid take a look at won’t be required to quarantine upon arrival.
- Adam Fox, one of many males convicted of plotting to kidnap Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan, was sentenced to 16 years in federal jail. Prosecutors say he led the plot.
Dispatches
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Night Learn
I Love My Muddle, Thank You Very A lot
By Burt Solomon
A confession, first: I really like litter.
The horizontal surfaces in my household room are coated with newspapers, magazines, books I’ve began, books I intend to learn, books I wish to learn however by no means will, erasable pens, a sweatshirt or two, a soccer ball, a bucket of toy vehicles, and wayward Legos that gouge my stockinged ft. Along with a pc, two telephones, and a TV distant, my desk at house is strewn with notebooks, folders, free papers, birchbark, a modem, scraps of paper with notes to myself, pictures of my spouse and youngsters, flash drives, nail clippers, pens, cash, a stapler, a thesaurus, procuring receipts, a hand-grip strengthener, a blood-pressure cuff, two- and three-dimensional likenesses of Abraham Lincoln, 4 baseballs, three baseball caps, two 1909 baseball playing cards, two flashlights, a pair of AirPods, a miniature boxing glove my father gave me earlier than I can keep in mind, one Pokémon card, and two Tibetan bowls.
Extra From The Atlantic
Tradition Break
Learn. “A Black Birch in Winter,” a poem by Richard Wilbur, which was revealed in The Atlantic in 1974.
“You may not know this previous tree by its bark, / Which as soon as was striate, clean, and glossy-dark, / So deep now are the rifts which separate / Its roughened floor into flake and plate.”
Watch. Stream Glass Onion on Netflix, after which learn an interview with the director Rian Johnson about why the Knives Out sequel is louder and angrier than the primary film.
P.S.
I’ve a couple of New 12 months’s resolutions, they usually are usually the identical as all of my earlier New 12 months’s resolutions: I wish to cease growing old and put on the identical garments that match me in faculty. Failing that, I normally hope for world peace, after which I accept a basic hope that no matter form of an individual I used to be final yr, I can do a bit higher this yr. (At the very least I don’t fall down the Steve Martin rabbit gap, though his epic bit from Saturday Evening Stay in 1986 might be a extra trustworthy set of needs than most of us will admit.)
What’s your New 12 months’s decision? Inform us! Ship me an electronic mail at emailnewsletters@theatlantic.com, or simply hit reply to this article. I ask solely that you just hold it brief—one sentence!—and that it displays one thing you’re really resolving to do or hoping for or making an attempt to attain in 2023. Humorous is sweet too, however I’m curious to see what you’re all striving for within the coming yr. I’m going to nudge a number of the Every day staff so as to add their resolutions as properly; we’d even get my colleague Isabel Fattal to resolve to see a number of the Nineteen Eighties films we hold referencing right here within the e-newsletter, however we will’t promise miracles. We’ll accumulate your whole resolutions over the subsequent few days, and we’ll shut out the yr on Friday by discussing them.
— Tom
Isabel Fattal contributed to this article.
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